Welcome To The Company - You're Going To Die Here

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if Paul Verhoeven or Wes Craven directed corporate safety videos? Well wonder no more.

"Welcome aboard, rookie. Hope you weren't too attached to those pretty limbs of yours..."

Face Off

The new Ron Howard movie "The Dilema" looks awesome - when you swap the faces of stars Vince Vaughan and Kevin James on the poster with Photoshop.

Augh! Kill them with fire!

Don't Look Back In Anger

Oh no.

What do we have here? You don’t really need words for this one, as the picture pretty much says it all. Some poor impressionable girl has only gone and gotten a flippin' massive Twilight tattoo all over her back. For fuck sake!

The line between being a hardcore fan and a mental patient is a very, very thin one. We’ve all done impetuous things in our lives and quite a few of us will have at the very least considered a tattoo at some point. But to turn your back into a billboard for one of the worst movie franchises of all time? Why would some impulsive young lady do that to herself? Didn’t her friends try and stop her? Won’t her parents be mad?

Wait...what?

Ahh. She's actually a 49 year old woman.

この例のようにあたり

Google Translate is incredible. When you translate something from English to Japanese (as per this example) and then translate that bit of Japanese back into English you get amazing results. Check it out for yourself if you don't believe me. Sometimes you'd wonder if what the tool translates is at least in some way reliable. I doubt this very much but it's always worth a cheap laugh at the expense of a noble and ancient culture. Or is it? It's not like it's brain science or rocket surgery.

Google翻訳はすごいですね。あなたは（この例のようにあたり）英語から日本語への何かを翻訳しているとき、驚くべき結果を得る日本語を英語に戻すの、そのビットに変換します。あなたは私を信じていない場合は、自分自身のためにそれをチェックしてください。ツール変換は、いくつかの方法信頼性の高い、少なくとも何時ものだろうかと思います。私はこの非常に疑問が、それは高貴な古代の文化を犠牲にして行きの格安の笑い価値があります。それともは何ですか？それは脳の科学やロケットの手術をご希望ではない。

Google translator is incredible. You (as per this example) when you are translating something from English into Japanese, English, Japanese, back to surprising results converts the bit. If you do not believe me, please check it out for yourself. Conversion tool, a reliable number of ways, think I'll do something at least. I highly doubt this, it is worth a cheap laugh at the expense of the noble ancient cultures. Or what? It is hoped the brain surgery and rocket science is not.

It's a 21" Colour TV With Remote Control

The other day, myself and Mick watched "Bullseye" on Challenge (Sky channel 125) at about 3am. Whilst that may not sound too healthy, we’d just watched about five episodes of Battlestar Galactica on DVD, so we’re still all kinds of awesome.

Jim Bowen: Not a Cylon.

Bullseye is an intriguing show for a variety of reasons. Before Sky started broadcasting glossy HD coverage of darts tournaments (where tattooed behemoths, sporting half the jewellery counter of their local Argos, throw darts with laser-guided accuracy) it seems that in the 1980’s, darts was a game played exclusively by people from the poorest areas of the UK. Towns that Margaret Thatcher would gladly have gladly erased from the map. Essentially this was a show where downtrodden, unemployable, dishevelled mutants, competed against each other for teasmades and lawnmowers.

On the surface Bullseye is a quaint nostalgia trip, where contestants throw darts and answer questions about Kevin Keegan and countries that no longer exist , to be in with the chance of winning gloriously awful prizes.  But these are not the garish 1980s quiz show contestants you’ll find sporting shoulder pads, loud suits and massive hair on glitzy shows like Catchphrase or Family Fortunes. There are no chartered accountants or fitness instructors to be found here. If these people are lucky enough to have jobs, they’re employed in Asbestos factories or slaughterhouses. They look like they cut their own hair and live in a van. If only they’d managed to win that four night stay in Corfu – they would have been the first on their street to have been on an actual aeroplane.

Let’s look at the subtext of Bullseye. Jim Bowen’s catchphrase is very telling. “Keep out of the black, and in the red; there's nothing in this game for two in a bed.” This is clearly A) a comment on the financial hardships experienced by the contestants in their everyday lives and B) a reference to the uncomfortable body language shared by teammates of the same gender.

"Yeah, he’s my, er... flatmate."

So now that we've all lost our money, things have come full circle and Bullseye offers a glimpse of the future. I’d like to be a complete fucking nerd now and quote a recurring line from Battlestar Galactica, if I may. “All this has happened before and all of it will happen again.”

Time to take up darts, methinks.